just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
