I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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