Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You need Xanax blowdarts
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
