So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
