can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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