fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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