I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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