Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
True strength comes from lack of pants
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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