Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
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I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
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So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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