she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize