I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
