I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
