How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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