Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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