I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
