I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
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I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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