I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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