sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
