So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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