just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
