According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
