You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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