my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
