I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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