I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
