Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
