No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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