He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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