I wish I could punch you in the face.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
