and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.