there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
