I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.