i permit you to call me
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
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he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
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I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.