I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
