There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
