were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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