Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
