I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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