Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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