i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
