Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
