Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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