Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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