I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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