just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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