Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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