I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize