hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize