i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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