This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
