I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
