I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We just shotgunned beers for America
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
