Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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