And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
