i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
