maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
