i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
