I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
