Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
