Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
