There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
