Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
