Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
