Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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